Sometimes I'll be driving, or drinking, or watching a movie, or skipping class to run across a snowy beach in solitude, and I think: I'm going to be a mother one day. How can that be? Here I am speeding through yellow lights, trying to drown out my stress, grasping at inspiration, and desperately wanting to feel alive, and I'm going to be a mother one day? What do I have to pass down, or share, or teach?
I have so much to learn myself; how can I be sure I even know who I am?
Eating my breakfast at the kitchen counter, I just happened to venture into the photo gallery on Mom's phone and found a few from the summer; seeing them brought on quite a wave of hopefulness for the next to come. I often think about warm weather and how good it will feel to step onto the earth in my barefeet again.
I'm also in a good mood because I finally finished reading Pride & Prejudice, and the anxiety of wanting Darcy and Elizabeth to just get together already is now soothed.
"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."