A Portrait of Abby Marie

spring sun

surreal snow and light changes

candles in my room

sunset light in my bedroom & bathroom

new life again and again

Sometimes I'll be driving, or drinking, or watching a movie, or skipping class to run across a snowy beach in solitude, and I think: I'm going to be a mother one day. How can that be? Here I am speeding through yellow lights, trying to drown out my stress, grasping at inspiration, and desperately wanting to feel alive, and I'm going to be a mother one day? What do I have to pass down, or share, or teach?

I have so much to learn myself; how can I be sure I even know who I am?

x~

the crows come today

I wish the crows would come today,

Take hold of my clothing and carry me away.

I would learn all their calls,

And be called,

Queen of Crows.

I'd wear their fallen feathers

And live amongst the trees.

I'd wear all the treasures

My crows bring back for me.

                               - November 7th, 2013

x~

'help us to love all people like we love trees'

My dad always told me

To love people like I love trees.

Some are straight, tall,

Gnarled, bent, twisted, small,

But each contributes

To the beauty of their scene.

Every person, large or lean,

Is unique, extraordinary,

nothing special, just a tree;

an irreplaceable beauty.

x~

one picture four times

A picture of me in Dominican Republic, with freshly braided hair. When I found the photo I decided I wanted to make some improvements, since the background was a bit dark and messy. Here are my four favourites, though clearly I could have put more effort into them. 

Oh, and this song is stuck in my head right now; I encourage you to watch the video.

the teen ghosts of the graveyard

Photos from the summer, on the road next to the graveyard where we like to hang out sometimes.

sparkles

I hope I don't seem conceited because the majority of photos I post are of myself. In honesty, I haven't photographed anyone else for a long time. There have been occasions where plans were made to do so, but nothing ever seems to work out. Especially during a stressful time of the school year, it's not like I have time to go out and snap pictures or take leisurely strolls or anything like that.. so I'm constantly posting photos that I took a while ago that are in my folders and don't really relate to anything I'm blogging about. That's about it.

I'm struggling along with my second last essay tonight; as soon as I get these assignments done, I can finally relax (maybe actually get to sleep for a whole night!!), and do the things I haven't had time for like photography, drawing/painting, and collaging etc. That's if I can get through to Friday without having any breaking-point meltdowns or heart attacks of sleep deprivation.

Teeth clenched until then. 

a walk in the rain

In the midst of rocks and sand and bags and beer cans, I stood and watched the rain shatter the grey surface of the river; it resembles a fuzzy tv screen, or it is the visual representation of midnight silence. The pleasant rank of seaweed came to me in a wintery breeze, and crows cawed in the crooks of trees.

"She believed that since no earthly matter is lost but is just transformed into other forms, then people who die return to the earth and are used as part of an endless chain, re-use, and renewal."

- Rose Levit, about her daughter

x~

the return to Nature

When I do die, lay me in the forest. 

I will find eternal peace amongst the trees, 

and my body will rot, decompose, 

and therefore bring life to the woods 

in which I am lain.

                   - August 27th, 2013

In the end, we are all returned to Nature. We die, we rot, and we feed the Earth. 

I read A Carcass by Charles Baudelaire, and it is so disgustingly descriptive that it makes you cringe; yet it celebrates the Circle of Life, much like my earlier request to be lain in the forest when I die. 

My desire for this has been confirmed.

I don't want to be buried in an expensive coffin made from slaughtered trees, and I no longer want to be burned and thrown to be caught by the wind. Just lay me in a bed of moss beneath the tree branches, my skin will be speckled by both sunshine and shadow.

And if I can no longer breathe, let me nourish and help the trees around me to breathe.

The flowers that grow from my bones will be the healthiest of all.

When at last our lively hour ends,

Slowly we begin the Return to Nature;

And return as well the life she lends.

summer soul

Trying to write an essay on a topic I really don't care for just makes me ache for summer days.

find peace in the trees

the seafarer

"My heart's desire urges my spirit

time and again to travel, so that I might seek

far from here a foreign land."

- The Seafarer

from the Exeter Book Elegies

I left my heart in the summer sun

The rain was cold today; it felt more icy than Autumn rain ought to feel, and it made me yearn for the warm months of summer where I would spend long days at my cottage, walking about in bare feet, laying in the grass, and basking in the sunshine. Here is a collection of photos I took on one of those dreamy summer days.

Cicadas singing all around me,

the glitter of sunshine, the sway of trees;

the lilies and the ferns dance in the breeze.

Butterflies kiss the open flowers,

blades of grass caress my summer skin.

Here I am renewed, for nature 

knows no sin.